In reverse

Once again, I’m still the guy siting in the corner of the room. Nothing has changed. You would think that by these stages I would have found what I was looking for, I guess I have… But I’m still lonely. There’s not doubt about that. 

It’s an empty feeling you get in the pit of your stomach, that’s what loneliness is. It’s going through your friends list and realizing there is no one you would want to talk to, only one. But she would rather not. It’s looking back on what could have been and dreaming about those instances. It’s all of those things thrown into a blender, poured into a glass infront of you, then being forced to drink it. That is loneliness.

There is nothing that can be done. No, nothing. You simply sit down and shut up, hoping that the person next to you doesn’t ask you why you are so quiet. Only something like loneliness can make you want to be in complete solitude and silence while yearning to talk to someone, anyone. 

But only one question remains; why are you lonely? 

There is never going to be a definitive answer for that, I doubt I will ever find my reason. But I know it is there. It mocks me in the face, it eats away at me. 

I have reasons to be happy, reasons to feel fulfilled, there is no doubt about that. But that doesn’t change the fact that it’s there and it will not leave me alone. Maybe if I’m lonely for long enough I’ll forget what being fulfilled is. Maybe, just maybe, being lonely, will make me happy. 

(Source: diegoshowsflow)